Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
