she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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