i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
