Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
