dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
