I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
