idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
