idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
