Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
