And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
