there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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