also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
