God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
