i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I will pee on everything he values.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
