My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
