Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
