I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
