I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
