he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
