I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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