i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
