did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
