I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
