I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we're so committed to being not committed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
