Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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