He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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