The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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