You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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