hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this boner is exhausting
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
