I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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