i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
