I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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