Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
