Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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