Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
