Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
