I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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