Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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