Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
