I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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