I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
