You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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