You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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