Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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