how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
