I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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