I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
