Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
