i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
