i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
