I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
